The Return Of Mr Hooper
by Eogrus
Summary: Big Bird misses his friend very much, and tries to resurrect him with necromancy. Will this turn out well?


Big Bird was very sad in his wonderous young yellow heart of cholestrol and histoplasmosis. His dearest of friends, Mr. Hooper, was deaded, and that made him very grieved in his pure inoccence mind. He could not bear the unlawful demise, the seperation of life from death, the passing of ages.

"The heart's sadness cannot withstand the calulent reality of pus" lamented the massive secondarily flightless therizinosaur.

So he drew a pentagram on the ground with chinese symbols on it. Then he grabbed Elmo and cut his intestines open with a knife, spreading all the shit-filled bowels like butter on a sandwich.

"Oh yeah cut Elmo open like a salad of fermented monotreme madness!" moaned Elmo whorefully and anti-feministically.

Big Bird much unliked his demented pleasure, so he snaped his neck. With his life taken, the chinese symbols began to glow yellow and produce oriental gong sounds, and the earth began to tremble. Mr. Hooper's grave cracked, and the earth rumbled, and out of it came a putrid zombie hand, clawing its way out. Big Bird was very happy, shaking his sordid guano factory cloaca in jubilation.

"Yes Mr. Hoopers, come out of the earth to join the wonderous mischief world of the living!" cackled Big Bird insanely, fingering his bad smelling pussy plummage to the rhytmns of yore.

Mr. Hooper came out of the grave laughing evilly, his flesh pulsing with black veins and his complexion pale as a corpse, his eyes red as the venemous cunt of a raped enchilada and his skin green like putrid herpes vigor.

"HAW HAW HAW thou shalt all DIE!" he said meanly and sarcastically, running around like a zombie of taxonomy.

He left Big Bird behind and went back to the city. He grabbed a bottle and broke it, and opened a trash container. Oscar was there, muddling in the thrown away cans and banana peels and rotten aborted fetuses, which he ate gladly.

"Oh look, it's the fat cook" he remarked boredly, "Thought I'd never see you again."

Mr. Hooper only LAUGHED, and spread Oscar's legs. He then grabbed the glass fragments and caved out Oscar's rectum, cutting the wrinkly dry sphincter with much pleasure.

"YEEEEAAAAARRRRRHHHH you fucking asshole don't cut out MINE" said Oscar angrily, but Mr. Hooper didn't care.

Big Bird much didn't like, he didn't want Mr. Hooper to pay other people attentions. So he grabbed a rock and threw it at Oscar's skull, smashing it like a bloody potato. In doing so, Oscar's bowels unleashed a massive torrent of putrid yellow diarrhea, which Mr Hooper drank with much pleasure.

"I ressurected you Mr. Hooper pay attention to ME!" yelled Big Bird angrily because the old zombie man did not pay his due respects to the grieving heart of ascension.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA how you fucks yourself Big Bird! I will never again pay attention to YOU!" cackled Mr. Hooper ungratefully, and he run away.

Big Bird sat down crying, on the pavement filled with Oscar's rotten dung, so yellow that it couldn't be distinguished from his natural feather colour. Two of his friends died because of his selfish desired to be with the fallen ones that he loved, paying far greater a price of admission than he ever wanted. Why could life not fall into the enthropy driven despair of emancipation, why does the price always become more expensive than the desire outcome of a heart so tainted by the condolences of fate? Why was fairness not an universal factor that drives correspondency to its full potential, to ensure a better trade by which our capacities are judged? Why did he have to lose so much to gain nothing at all?

"Life is so unfair!" sniffed Big Bird depressedly, and he grabbed a coat hanger to abort his life out.

Meanwhile, Mr. Hooper went on a rampage through Sesame Street. He grabbed tons of Molotov Cocktail and threw at the houses, setting fire to everything to forced the residents to come out and then eat their genitalia. The first victim was Abby, her face half burned by the fire, her flesh singed, her hair pulverised and her eye exploded. He grabbed her by the pussy and beat her head first against a wall, sickening sounds of crushed bones echoeing and blood splattered everywhere. He then brought her to his face and took out a lighter, burning her clitoris until it popped out into his mouth with much pleasure. Then he shoved her into a sawmill and obliterated her flesh into a million bloody pieces, forcing them all down Cookie Monster's mouth.

"Oh God I'm gonna be sick!" barfed Cookie Monster, vomitting his own stomachal lining, but Mr. Hooper squeezed his balls, prompting him to sadly devour more of Abby's pieces.

Count much liked Mr. Hooper's despotic methods, so he grabbed a pencil sharpener to masturbate his filthy cancerous penis full of rotten wart-like fungal growths, shredding it into black carnicery with much pleasure.

"Thirteen drops of cancer, fourteen drops of cancer, fifteen drops of cancer" he counted (geddit) merrily, eating his own dark putrid flesh as he went on.

Grover was so horrorfied that he went to the store to find something to hang himself with, but run into Big Bird instead.

"What're you doing?" he asked his bird friend worriedly?

"I'm going to remove the fetus of my own life!" cried Big Birds sadly, putting the coat hanger in his eyelids.

"No, don't kill yourself, to sacrifice to one's misery for the bliss of death is to deny reality it's fair due!"

"Weren't you about to comit suicide as well?"

"Fuck you Big Bird!"

Then Mr. Hooper snapped his neck and inserted Grover's still conscious head in his ass, constricting it to death. He then spat in Big Bird's face and went off to kill some other people. Big Bird sighed, even in death he would not have respite from the pain and guilt. Then he had a brilliant idea!

"What if I kill Mr. Hooper again? That way I pay for my sins and I get revenge!" he chirped happily in infrasounds like an emu of hatred.

So he went to the library, walking over Herry's still living body, who screamed in agony as the bird's weight cracked his bones, spilling marrow unto the streets. Big Bird walked inside, the library was all burned and ruined with tons of monster corpses and eye balls impaled in glass shards. But the mystical section was still spared, because Mr. Hooper always dismissed it as tomfoolery in life and wanted only ignorance and superstion to prevail. Bird Big clapped his filthy avian cholera guano hands in joy, and began to look, spreading white rotten pigeon shit with his fingers. As he did, he heard a screaming sound like an elephant seal being castrated by rabid baboons, so he went to investigate. It was...BERT AND EARNIE! Bert was tied to a bookshelf by his handcuffs with a red thingie in his mouth, while Earnie was spanking his ass. Both were in leather clothes.

"Jesus fuck Big Bird, don't walk in other people having sex!" said Earnie angrily, slapping Bert's ass harder.

"Oh, sorry, I was just looking for a book to make Mr. Hooper suffer forever in hell" apologised Big Bird sadly, "Wanna help me look? You seem to love causing misery and pain to others."

"Hell yeah!" Earnie said, and both went to look, leaving Bert behind on the bookshelf, where Linda appeared and rubbed his buttcheeks with her necrosis pussy.

Meanwhile, Mr. Hooper was building a huge crater with explosives attached to Baby Bear's cranium.

"Please take this thing off me!" the bear cried sadly, because the explosives were etched into the temporalis muscles and that was uncomfortable.

"Shhh!" shushed Mr. Hooper angrily, and punched the explosives.

The explosion completely obliterated Baby Bear's corpse, splattering it into a billion butterflies of blood and flesh, as well as Mr. Hooper's arm. All his black evil blood was sprayed on the muppets and people, which were mutated into ugly fraggles.

"My minions, bring me every baby in the land!" hissed Mr. Hooper snakely, "I will make the largest zombie flesh DILDO ever made! HAW HAW HAW!"

All the fraggles agreed, and went to look. They were invisible to normal people, so they managed to grab nearly every baby in New York. They were placed in the crater, and Count von Cout much disliked.

"That's vay too few babies to make a proper flesh dildo, I von't allow until you get more!", but Mr. Hooper couldn't get more, so the vampire jumped on his face and began to scratch!

Meanwhile, Big Bird and Earnie were rubbing their pussies together (Big Bird is a Neoaves so he has a cloaca, and Earnie is FtM, so THERE). They were so engaged in their fuckery that the bookshelves shook and the book they were looking for fell on their faces.

"See, I told you that if we let nature take it's course we can get anything!" said Earnie happily.

Then they kept fucking, and the vibrations made the book open and turn on the desired page. It was a very simple spell, so they run outside to do it on the spot. They found Mr. Hooper and Count von Count throwing kamehamehas at each other.

"Good, they even got the ingredients we need!" said Big Bird, pointing at Baby Bear's putrid remains.

Big Bird ate the rotten bear flesh, then did a twirl, and bright white light began to envelope him. Earnie couldn't believe it, Big Bird turned into Sailor Saturn!

"By the power of Satan, be raped by wapanese cocks by all eternity!" said Big Bird with the gigantic buckteeth he acquired.

"NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Mr. Hooper said meanly, but it was too late, pink light began to glow on his limbs.

Then, Earnie jumped on Mr. Hooper's face, and put his face on his belly button. Mr. Hooper tried to bite into it, but instead it transformed into a gateway to hell, because Earnie has the devil inside, and so the evil old man was thrown forever to the ninth circle where he was righteously gnawed by Antenora in crystal ice meth until the universe reached enthropic decay, boys and girls.

"And that, my friends, is why you should never resurrect the dead and let the hateful cycle of life take it's course" said Gina stupidly.

Big Bird then ripped out his face, and everyone was happy. 


End file.
